|
Before my initiation, I felt completely helpless and disgusted about having to live in this world. I often dreamed that I was wandering alone in unknown mountains, looking everywhere for something. Climbing over all sorts of mountains, I'd visited one temple after another. Each time I awoke, I always felt an indescribable sense of loss and disappointment; and did not know what I had really been looking for, where to go, and when I could stop my search. After I was initiated and started meditating seriously, this type of dream rarely occurred anymore. Hearing Master's wonderful news about the heavenly abodes, my foreigner's heart began to understand the nature of contentment, and gradually accepted the fact that I have to live in this physical world. I often asked Master, in my heart, why I had experience these things, and the meaning of the things I had seen and heard, just as Ananda had done so often two thousand years ago with the Buddha. However, my questioning was not just to gain understanding; more importantly, Master must have known very well about my longing to be liberated. Once, during a 7-day retreat, Master meditated with us in the forest grove. I suddenly felt the wonderful and profound power of love, with its indescribable wonder, continuously pouring into my body and through my wisdom eye. Just as though I were in a boundless maze, the illumination made me see my ignorance, isolation, and sinking state. At that moment, I discovered that Master knows me even better than I know myself; and I would no longer have to bear, by myself, all the "gifts" bestowed upon me by this world. |
Although I was only seeking my own peace and comfort in a hinayana way, Master did not force me to sacrifice anything. Instead, She taught and teaches us repeatedly by Her own working example: She rushed around for the sake of the Au Lac refugees, helps and cares for the homeless and victims of disasters. Finally, I realized that Master's merciful eyes are so bright that they permeate all the dark corners. My heart, which had been frozen for a thousand years, melted quickly. I became very prone to crying. Each time I read about disaster relief efforts in the Supreme Master Ching Hai News, or thought about the love that Master showed me in quiet nights, I would cry incessantly. I have never seen anyone with such a great amount of love as Master, and I have never been loved as deeply as I am now. No word in any language can completely describe my baby-like love and respect for our Master. I feel as though I am a little child who likes to cry, and who has finally found her mother. I know that I, myself, am a child incarnated from the ocean of love. |
|
When I suffer from loss, You, dear Master, would bless me with more intense
love to heal my sorrow. I know deeply that I will never get lost!
Many times, while walking on this path, I would have liked to turn away. It'd be so easy to turn back to the old path and give up the present. No one would blame me. No one would really care if I turned away. However, how can I just turn my back and run away? It would seem so easy to just throw away all the efforts made, and all the time You spent with me during moments of struggle and loneliness. Master, if You were not here to endure everything by Your physical presence, I would have an excuse to escape and abandon the efforts made on my part. You live to remind me that all the pressure I have is only one millionth of Yours. |
Am I remembering You at all times? Am I missing You in every second of the day? I always know I'm immersed in Your love, but I always forget to love You. Thanks to those who have tested me and helped me to grow, I remind me to look into myself at every moment. Help me to be generous, patient and loving. If I happen to be angered or annoyed, please wake me up, because at that moment, I've slipped away from Your teachings. The chain between You and me is always long enough. I sneak out to play from time to time, and You always cover Your eyes, pretending nothing happened. I pray in the hope that I will always remember to come back to Your side. But I also understand that the chain connecting us will never be broken. |